Parenting the Modern Pre-Teen Girl: From Screens to Connection

Some days, I feel like I’m losing the parenting fight.

My 11-year-old daughter is happy, loved, and well cared for—but when I try to connect, it’s like I’m competing with a screen. And let’s be honest: if you’re parenting a pre-teen girl, you’ve probably felt this too.

It’s not just you. It’s not just her. It’s this stage. And I truly believe it’s harder than the teenage years.

But here’s the hope: I’ve done this before. I have a 23 (almost 24!) year old who made it through the same strange phase of life—awkward transitions, bold opinions, makeup battles and all.

So this week, I want to offer some creative and real tips that are helping me now, and that worked back then. And I want to hear from you. Because parenting the modern child—especially in a tech-saturated world—isn’t a solo mission.

Let’s help each other win this parenting war. 💪💬

7 Creative Ways to Connect With Your Pre-Teen Girl

1. Talk During, Not Just After

If she’s into TikTok or YouTube, sit beside her while she scrolls. Ask, “What makes you laugh the most?” Let her show you her world, instead of asking her to leave it.

2. Create a "No Judgement" Zone

Give her a space (maybe a notebook or even a jar of prompts!) where she can drop questions or vent without fear of lectures. Then follow up when she's open.

3. Set Limits Together

Instead of enforcing screen time like a drill sergeant, involve her in setting boundaries. Ask, “How much time do you think is healthy for you?” Let her help design the rules.

4. Compromise on Clothes & Makeup

Maybe bold eyeliner isn't your thing. But can she wear clear lip gloss or pick out trendy sneakers you approve of? Meeting her halfway shows respect—and builds trust.

5. Make Check-In Time Routine (Not Random)

Set a non-negotiable 10-minute daily check-in (maybe while driving, walking, or bedtime). Keep it light and let her lead the convo.

6. Plan "No-Phone" Dates

Take her to brunch, roller skating, thrifting—whatever feels fun offline. The rule? No phones (including yours!). Presence builds connection.

7. Celebrate Her Growth—Even When It’s Messy

Tell her, “You’re growing into someone incredible.” This awkward phase is still sacred. Don’t miss the good stuff because you’re focused on the weird stuff. 

Real Talk: This Phase Is Tough, But We’re Tougher

You’re not failing. You’re not alone.
We’re parenting in a time when digital distractions are louder than ever—but so are our voices when we support each other.

I've seen it done—and I've done it myself. My oldest daughter made it through this phase, and so will yours. Let’s be open, vulnerable, and honest with one another, so we can give our girls the tools to thrive—even when they roll their eyes at us. 😉

SHARE YOUR STORY

Are you parenting a pre-teen girl too?
Drop your wins, questions, or real-life struggles in the comments. Let’s make this a judgment-free zone for learning from one another.

Know a fellow mom or parent navigating this season?
Share this post and invite them to join the conversation.

Wednesday's Blog:

“Decoding the Pre-Teen Mind: Understanding Mood Swings, Silent Days, and What’s Really Going On”